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Fish Jokes

Q. What does a fish say when it runs into a brick wall?
A. Dam

A man was ice-fishing, busily drilling his first hole of the day, when a loud voice called from above, "There are no fish down there". Hmmm, thought the man, who quickly relocated to a spot 20 feet away and started drilling into the ice. Again, the voice called, "There are no fish down there". Again the man moved and started his drilling. For the third time, the voice bellowed, "There are no fish down there". The man, now completely confused, yelled over his shoulder, "God, I appreciate your help, but why do you care if I catch any fish?" The voice replied, "This isn't God stupid, its the rink manager."

Q. How do you catch a unique zebrafish?
A. Unique up on it.

Q. How do you catch a tame zebrafish?
A. Tame way, unique up on it.

Why did the fish cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.

A fisherman was having a successful day of fishing without a liscense when the ranger came up, saw a bucket full of nice trout, and asked to see his fishing liscense. "Oh, I'm not fishing sir, these are my pet fish. I'm just bringing them out for some exercise." "Exercise?" the ranger said skeptically. "Sure, I bring them down to the creek, let them out for a little swim, then they come back and jump in the bucket and we go home." "Hmm, can you show me" "Sure" said the fisherman as he dumped the fish into the creek. A few minutes later the ranger said "OK, let's see your fish jump back in the bucket" "What fish?" asked our fisherman.

How do you catch an electric eel?
Use a ligthning rod.

Fisherwoman. Is this river good for trout?
Fisherman. Must be, I can't catch any.

Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale's mouth?
He thought it was a wishing whale.

Why did the whale eat two ships full of potatos?
Because no one can eat just one potato ship.

Q. Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
A. She wanted to make a fish stick.

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. fsh

Q. What do you call a fish with two knees?
A. Tunyfish

Q. What do you call a fish with cable?
A. Telefishion

Q. What do you call a fish with a tie?
A. soFISHticated

Q. What happens when you put nutella on salmon?
A. You get salmonella

Q. What did the Boston magician say to the fisherman?
A. Pick a cod, any cod!

Q. What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
A. As far away as possible!

Q. What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish?
A. Tsardines!

Q. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A. I wanna hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!

Two fish in a tank - one says to the other "Can you drive this thing?"

If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.

Only Smart People Will Get This: 2+2= Fish, 3+3= Eight, 7+7= Triangle, 4+4 = Arrow, 8+8 = Butterfly